I should be working.

That’s what I think as I sit down on my deck to write this — this personal blog post, this small, pure piece of my heart — rather than opening Gmail or engaging on Instagram or, heck, cleaning the house.

Shh, I tell that constant, internal tug toward productivity. Shh, I tell my newborn, stirring in his car seat next to me.

Shh, I tell the world. Shh.

It’s late August. The air is thick with humidity. The cluster of trees guarding me from my neighbors does nothing to muffle the sounds of construction rippling out from their homes, or the whoosh of cars rushing down the street beyond.

Yet every once in a while, the jackhammer settles down. The traffic slows to a purr. And I’m able to sit here, surrounded by the green, quiet woods, and think.

Eleven weeks ago, I gave birth to my second son. He came slow, and then fast: induced at 40.5 weeks, the Pitocin working so quickly that by the time I asked for an epidural, it was too late.

A couple hours of excruciating pain, six minutes of hard pushing, and there was my husband, announcing the gender as our boy was laid on my breast at 2:23 p.m. on June 12, 2024: “Sarah, it’s Wesley.”

Every day since has been a gift.

Leading up to Wesley’s birth, I planned and saved for a 12-week maternity leave, the same as I’d done with Calvin. Then, it had seemed like the right amount of time. I’d been able to bond with Cal, learn both our new bodies, break mentally from my other responsibilities.

Yet I often found my fingers itching to work. With not much to do other than breastfeed, change diapers, and take walks, my days became rather redundant. I didn’t love the thought of sending my baby to daycare, but I did like the thought of getting back to the office, back to that old-bricked, sun-soaked place where I felt purposeful in a different, more creative way.

How to Prepare for Self-Employed Maternity Leave

This time around, my fingers aren’t quite so itchy.

I had expected having a second child would change my life. What I didn’t expect was how it would change my perspective — on motherhood, on career, on everything.

While I am not dreading returning to work, I am looking forward to it a bit less than I’d thought. Less than I had last time.

I still don’t want to be a stay-at-home mom. But now my mindset is more “not yet” than “never.”

If I had to pinpoint why I feel differently as a working mom of two, I believe it boils down to three main reasons.

1. I Have Another Human to Chase

Let’s start with the obvious: I now have two children to keep alive, not just one. And the older — a toddler who just turned two — takes considerably more energy to care for.

It’s not that he’s more difficult, exactly. In the ways Calvin’s easy (sleeping through the night, communicating his needs), Wesley’s not. And vice versa. While Wes is content to lie down and stare at his hands for an hour, Cal can’t sit still for longer than five minutes — and even then, it’s only because he’s dropping food from his high chair, giggling as our dog tries to snatch it before it hits the floor.

Oh yeah, we have her to keep alive, too.

Blessedly, I have a husband who bears half the burden. No, not burden — weight, I suppose, because parenting two kids can be heavy at times.

But it’s not a hindrance. It is, overall, an indescribable joy.

While we are indeed more tired now, our family already feels fuller, more whole. The moment Calvin walked into the hospital room carrying a homemade gift for his baby brother, my heart burst. I sobbed straight from my soul as Cal climbed into the bed, cradled Wesley while I cradled him, Troy looking on with fatherly pride.

(Until Calvin said, “All done, baby,” and gingerly pushed him away. Well, they can’t all be Hallmark moments.)

Since bringing Wesley home, I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how we all have adapted to him. Not just Calvin, who fawns over “baby Wesley!” with an unnerving amount of fervor, or Pali, whose tongue comes running at the sound of any burp, but also me and Troy — Mommy and Daddy — who have grown into our parenting roles with a grace neither of us expected. We’re (mostly) patient with each other and our kids, (mostly) willing to step in and help when the other’s hands are full, (mostly) grateful for the health and prosperity the Lord has given our funny little family. We laugh a lot.

Yet we sigh a lot, too. We collapse into bed at 9 p.m., ready to let sleep wash over us so we can wake with some energy for tomorrow (and the inevitable 2 a.m. feed).

Since I’m still on maternity leave, with Cal going to daycare most days and only myself and Wesley to care for, I can’t complain about fatigue yet. But I’m a little trepidatious about how tired I’ll feel once I’m back to work.

Hopefully Wesley starts sleeping through the night consistently soon. (He’s almost there, I think!)

And hopefully the Lord walks me gently through the transition. I have faith he will.

2. I Have a New House to Maintain

We moved in February. Only a mile away, yet worlds apart.

Our new house is bigger. Our lot is bigger. Our neighborhood is nicer.

All blessings, yet they bring more work, more expectation.

We haven’t even begun the renovations we’d like to do, and we already feel overwhelmed at times. Even with the occasional hired help, simply cleaning the kitchen or mowing the lawn seems like a lot after a long day of work or chasing kids.

I had so many house projects I wanted to finish, or at least start, over maternity leave. I’ve barely managed to organize some closets.

Since we hadn’t had much spare time to truly unpack upon moving in, I’m glad I had time to do that, at least. Yet the honey-do list only grows.

It’s not even just our physical home that needs maintaining. It’s the never-ending admin work of meal prepping, paying bills, scheduling and attending appointments, checking off to-dos.

One of the projects I did manage to complete during my time off was build the “Klongerbo Family Brain.” It’s a space in Notion that houses literally everything our family might need to reference: chore lists, shopping lists, house projects, travel plans, and so much more. (I got the idea from my husband, who had started his own “second brain” after reading this book; I built ours off this Notion template.)

While the Klongerbo Family Brain is a work in progress, it’s already lightened so much mental load. It’s like our own little Pensieve, housing all our disparate thoughts and tasks.

Yet it’s also a reminder of how much we have left to do. I look at all our cute, clean lists and wonder how on earth we’ll get it all done, especially once we’re both working full time again.

I trust we will.

…Or we’ll just get good at being content with our current state. That’s a muscle I could always strengthen.

3. I Have a Different Mindset to Adopt

The beautiful challenge of being a follower of Christ is that you have to do just that: follow him.

He may lead you to places you never thought you’d go.

Like Quotable Copy, the copywriting business I started last year.

If you had asked me in school what I thought I’d be doing with my life, I would have said teaching English. I didn’t even know working for myself, writing copy to help others market their businesses, was a real job.

Yet here I am, helping creative entrepreneurs convert clients with well-crafted words, self-funding two of my own maternity leaves, and teaching others how to do the same.

Yet if the Lord calls me elsewhere… I need to be okay with following a different path. Increasingly, I am.

I do believe I am someone who is meant to work outside the home. Figuratively, that is. While I enjoy getting out of the house every day, and am blessed to have a downtown office where I can go, I could see a world where I work from my literal home, perhaps part time, during breaks from kids’ school or activities.

Even if it’s not in my current capacity, I believe I will always want to write. It helps others, I think, and it certainly helps me.

Yet I am learning to hold my life more loosely.

Dreams can change. People can change.

I can change.

Looking Ahead: What’s Next for Me and Quotable Copy

My official first day back at work is the day after Labor Day. Fitting, huh?

As an solopreneur, I’m (theoretically) able to take off as much time as I’d like. No one is forcing me back to work.

…Except, I guess, for the clients whose projects I’ve already booked for the fall. And the need to make money. Yes, that.

(See #2 above. And #1.)

So next week, I’ll put on my lipstick, drop off my boys at daycare, and drive back to the office, wiping my eyes as I open my laptop to greet the work that’s waiting.

I will do it cheerfully, both because Colossians 3:23 tells me to and because I actually do want to — because I know I am blessed to get paid to perform work I’m passionate about, and because I know I will settle back into it like a deep-cushioned couch. It will feel good.

I’m still excited about the future of Quotable Copy. I still have dreams of growing it beyond just me and the handful of people who help behind the scenes. I still want to use it to refine and amplify the voices of others.

Some brands deserve to be shouted about. And I’ve got a good mic.

Yet if God ever calls me to set that mic down, may I be so willing.

And may my boys know, whether they’re home or away, that their mom adores them beyond any dream or desire. And, like most parents, she is simply trying her best.

10 Things I’ve Learned Since Becoming a Mom

There it is — the neighbor’s jackhammer, starting up again, jabbering to life as my son starts to wake.

I begin to shut the lid on my laptop.

Just before I do, a hummingbird flits to the pot of canna lilies on our deck. Their cardinal-colored bulbs are mostly withered now, yet the iridescent bird still sucks, finding nectar where I’d thought there was none.

And then it’s gone.

Here, and then not — a blip of beauty, fleeting, like our work, our dreams, our very lives.